I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
