so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
