i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So vagazzling was a success
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
