You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
