I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
