i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
