i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
