I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
