have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
