thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Randomize
