But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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