I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Randomize
