Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
