in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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