They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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