I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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