My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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