He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
