so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
