Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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