Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
