An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
