apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
