You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
