i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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