ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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