need another drink. this is the easiest way
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
