I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
