you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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