What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
