When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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