So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
