I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize