2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
