It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
