I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
