I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
