So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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