You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
