So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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