apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
