When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
