Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
What drink are we having for lunch?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
