I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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