Non-Jews are for practice
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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