I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
