Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
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