so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
