oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
