don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
All the doctor said was why
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
