I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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