i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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