i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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