Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
