he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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