Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
