So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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