D3 body, D1 cock
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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