The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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