it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
