You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
