so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
